I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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