I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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