I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
nutella sex= disaster
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
