i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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