I could have mohawked her pubes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
