I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
