don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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