haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
