ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
