Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
