yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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