I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
