I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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