I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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