I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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