Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I need to stop coming to work sober
honey bunches of taint.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
