apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
