for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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