he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
