I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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