i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
