how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
