Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
