I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
