420 ftw
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
