Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
