Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
