WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
