You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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