I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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