i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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