I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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