saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
