I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
