two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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