I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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