You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
