hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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