I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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