I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
