I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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