New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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