If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
