I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
