It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
