Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
