There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
