The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
