So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
