Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
