He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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