Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize