Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
