Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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