IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
