and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
