Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
