oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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