you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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