capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
