he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
