drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
