it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
