Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
