If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
