smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
