I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
