she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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