I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
