So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
