Where did you get a picture of my penis
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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