i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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