I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
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got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT