WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.