I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They took my balls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..