it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize