Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
