i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I need a burrito and a hug.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
