I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
