An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive