grandma shit on top of the toilet
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
