You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
