Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
