Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
