You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
