You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
