i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
