My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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