I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
