Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
