My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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