their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
