He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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