When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
